Want to learn about what orgasm control really is? There’s a lot of misinformation out there about orgasm control, or perhaps more accurately, a lot of information that doesn’t explain all the wonderful facets of this technique. Orgasm control can be used and enjoyed by everyone, whether you like to incorporate BDSM into your relationship or not.
Today, we’re going to guide you through what orgasm control is and why it’s a beneficial technique to enhance your sexual pleasure.
What is orgasm control?
Orgasm control is any technique used to deny, prolong, or otherwise control your own orgasm or that of your partner. Many websites will lead you to believe that orgasm control is all about edging, where you take yourself (or your partner) to the brink of climaxing and then stopping sexual stimulation.
However, while edging is one facet of climax control, there are many other ways to practice orgasm control that provide arguably more sexual pleasure, depending on your sexual appetite.
Let’s break down the different types of orgasm control so you can get an overview of all the different ways to control your own and your partner’s climax.
Edging
Edging is almost a “trend” at the moment; at least, it has become more mainstream, and people are openly talking about trying edging during masturbation and using it to help prevent or delay premature ejaculation.
Edging is where you take yourself or your partner to the edge of reaching orgasm, and then stop sexual stimulation, before repeating the process several times until you finally allow yourself or your partner to reach orgasm.
Edging helps to increase blood flow to the genitals, and doing this repeatedly can help to intensify the sensation of your orgasm when you are finally allowed to go over that point of no return.
For a more detailed discussion about edging, please visit here.
Orgasm Denial
Edging can be somewhat included in climax denial, but ultimately can go much further. It can be used over a period of days or even weeks, where that ultimate release is controlled until you are finally allowed to climax. Alternatively, it can be where all other areas of the body are stimulated except the genitals, and so reaching climax is almost impossible.
Other forms of denial include using chastity belts (which we’ll cover below) or using a strap-on to deny penetrative sex (and thus–in most cases–orgasm) while still pleasuring a partner.
Denial can be incorporated into other types of BDSM play and relationships, and is a great way to raise the tension and play with different power dynamics in your relationship. I’ve talked at length about denial in another post, so click here to learn more.
Forced Orgasm
If you’re going to be forced to do anything in your life, let it be orgasm!
A forced orgasm is where you or your partner consent to being restrained and stimulated until you reach orgasm, over and over again. The person who is restrained has no control over the intensity or timing of when they reach orgasm.
A forced orgasm may be given manually by your partner, via a vibrator attached to a belt or tied to you, or fixed to a stand or sex machine. Forced orgasm play is often combined with other types of orgasm control and dominant/submissive play, such as being ordered to not cum, and then being punished when you do.
Forced orgasms are a good introduction to power play for partners, and even those nervous about the idea of BDSM will usually enjoy playing both roles in forced orgasm play. I’ve done an entire post on forced orgasms, so you can learn more here.
Ruined Orgasm
Most of us have experienced a ruined orgasm at one time or another, it just hasn’t been on purpose! You’re there having a good time when suddenly your dog barges into the room, there’s a knock at the door, or your partner does or says something that makes you laugh more than it turns you on.
Sexual release relies heavily on what’s going on in the mind, so it’s not unusual to lose steam as you’re about to reach the point of no return. But have you ever thought about ruining an orgasm on purpose?
A ruined orgasm is where you are brought to the point of no return, start to feel that build of pleasure, and then your partner stops stimulation. You then either fail to reach orgasm, or you reach it, perhaps even ejaculating, but the gratification you would have felt is drastically reduced.
The point of ruined orgasms is all about control; your pleasure is entirely in your dominant partner’s hands, and they will decide when and if you get to climax.
Chastity
Does the idea of a chastity belt conjure images of metal underwear from the Middle Ages? While it’s believed that chastity belts started as a joke by a German engineer in 1405, the fact is that controlling whether or not your partner can receive sexual contact and stimulation is a kink many people enjoy.
There are chastity cages for males, which encase the penis in metal or leather, and chastity belts which can deny both males and females any sexual arousal. I’ve discussed the types of chastity BDSM devices here, but you don’t have to invest in equipment to give chastity a try. Simply denying your partner sex can be a form of chastity play, though you’ll probably need to tease them well to make it fun!
If your partner is into watching you have sex with others (cuckold), this could also be a good opportunity to practice orgasm control through chastity for that partner.
Cumming on Command
Think that cumming on command is fiction, only to be found in romance books and porn? Think again. Cumming on command is an exciting way to practice orgasm control, but it can take some practice. Learning to cum on command usually takes practice with edging, telling your partner you’re close, and cumming right after they give you permission to do so.
While it can take some work, the result is that you’ll be able to reach orgasm when your partner instructs you, even when you’re only feeling a little arousal, or perhaps even with no mental or physical stimulation.
A word of warning though: the BDSM community only recommend going through this training if your dynamic is going the distance. Those who have been a sub in a relationship report finding it difficult to reach orgasm for months after breaking up with the person they could cum on command for, so think seriously before you train yourself to exclusively cum on someone’s demand.
Post-Orgasm Torture
This one isn’t for the faint of heart, but if you like to walk on the kinky side, it may be just what you need to take things to the next level. Post-orgasm torture is, for the large part, what it sounds like; it’s where the genitals are roughly stimulated post-orgasm.
Post-orgasm torture can include temperature play, such as using cold metal, ice cubes, or hot wax to stimulate the genitals, as well as bondage, whips, and other forms of stimulation we would traditionally see as unpleasant.
If you’re going to give this a try, trust and consent is key. You should have a safe word and/or signal and only give it a try with someone you trust. There’s nothing that puts a damper on your sexual conquests quite like an injury to your genitalia.
9 Benefits of Orgasm Control
So now we’ve got a good overview of all the different exciting ways you can control your partner’s sexual release, let’s take a look at the benefits of orgasm control.
1. It can help with premature ejaculation
One of the reasons the method of edging has become a mainstream topic is because it is believed to help with sexual health, namely premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation isn’t the end of the world (or even have to be the end of having sex), but it can be frustrating and affect your sexual confidence.
Edging and other forms of control help you to be more aware of your mental thoughts and physical sensations so you can prevent yourself from going over the brink of orgasm and last longer. The more you try edging, the more control you’ll have over when you fall over the edge.
Techniques such as the stop start and squeeze method have been shown to increase sexual endurance, helps to increase self-esteem, and can also enhance sexual pleasure.
2. Intensified orgasms
As we touched on earlier, increased blood flow to your nether regions (whether through edging or another form of orgasm control) helps to intensify your climax. Whether you’re wailing from that twelfth forced climax or having your first climax after a week of teasing, all that tension makes your orgasms more intense than you’ve ever felt them before.
3. Helps both partners climax at the same time
It’s not unusual for one partner to find it easier or harder in reaching orgasm than the other. While mismatched speeds can make sex frustrating, the introduction of climax control means that not only will the speedy partner slow down, but it will be fun and not frustrating to keep them on the edge until the other partner is ready.
4. Makes sex more pleasurable
Most of the time when we’re having sex, we’re focused on the goal of both reaching sexual release. While the BDSM community are definitely better at slowing things down, most of us are familiar with sex that almost feels like you’re trying to get it over with as soon as possible. You do the same things, in the same order, and for a while that works.
But does it still feel as good? The natural build of orgasm control makes sex more interesting and more pleasurable. The inherent dominance and submissive play arousing for both the person in control and the person who is wondering what’s going to happen next.
5. It’s accessible for all tastes
Let’s be honest, by the time you’ve been sexually active for a decade, sex can get pretty samey. Add to that having the same partner and that rut can get even harder to get out of. Decades later and well… you need to mix it up to keep it interesting. Orgasm control is the perfect way to start trying something new and enhancing your sexual experience without doing anything that’s too far out of your comfort zone.
Control can be incorporated into both vanilla play and advanced power-play relationships. It can look like giving your partner oral sex and then stop stimulation whenever you feel them get close to that point of no return, or it can look like cumming on demand in a master-slave dynamic. Whatever calls you, a little bit of control can make it more exciting.
6. Makes sex last longer
Orgasm control stops orgasms coming at a natural pace and puts them in control of the dominant person in the scenario – which can even be yourself. Trying the edging method while having sex can delay gratification, but a forced orgasm can keep the bliss going for so long that it almost becomes a type of torture.
7. It deepens your relationship with your partner
Orgasm control deepens your bond with your partner by allowing them to exhibit control over you in a way that requires trust. It helps you both start to learn about your partner’s body language and see what they do when they’re experiencing intense pleasure and arousal nonverbally so you can use that to your advantage to gratify them in future sexual encounters.
8. Play with the dominant/submissive relationship
Orgasm control techniques are a great way to play with a dominant/submissive dynamic for the first time. You’re able to find out what it’s like to be dominant or submissive in a sexual relationship, and the roles can easily swap if you don’t have a relationship where one person is naturally more sexually dominant or submissive than the other.
You can also use all of these methods and techniques of control to deepen a dominant/submissive bond and find new ways to exert power and control over your partner.
9. It’s fun!
There is no one on Earth who isn’t aroused by at least one form of orgasm control, whether they imagine having it done to them (submissive) or doing it to a partner (dominant). Orgasm control doesn’t have to be serious, it can just be fun, and you don’t need any special equipment to try using it to spice up your evenings.
Find More Pleasure with Orgasm Control
You don’t need to have ever tried BDSM in the past to enjoy orgasm control. Orgasm control can be your introduction to a dominant/submissive experience for you to explore in more depth in the future, or simply be a way to heighten the tension and start feeling aroused in simple situations. The simple knowledge that you’re not allowed to orgasm or masturbate can be enough to get the blood pumping and you’ll find yourself lusting after your partner in a way you haven’t since you first got together.
If you have any questions about orgasm control or any other related topic, please leave a comment below. We will do our best to answer for you.